A peak through my window: An Introduction

When I was around 13 years old, I used to wait for the blue hour to walk without a planned route through my neighbourhood and beyond. I would bubble up in tenderness observing all the details humans collected on their windows, the colors they’d choose for their homes, and all the different flowers and plants they seemed to grow out of love. I’d find beautiful little gardens at the most picturesque little houses – I always wondered, how was life behind those warm-lit windows full of personal details. I used to imagine, that inside those windows, a uniquely safe and loving universe was carefully created day by day.

And so the longing to find that place where I belonged became my compass.

I wanted to be like the old woman who made dozens of roses bloom on the smallest patio, talking them into life every day. I wanted to have the nurturing hands of the pink house lady, harvesting the sweetest clementines to share with my family. I wanted to be like the old man with his window shelves full of books and life stories to share. The years passed and I kept exploring further and further in my city, I kept chasing, craving and romanticizing the perfect place to call home, a place of my own. I wanted to stretch my spirit in all directions, free, strong, and creative.

When I was 14, my parents subscribed to the National Geographic magazines. I would devour every story and dream I was the one behind the lens of those candid and foreign places. I became obsessed with this world of photographers and adventurers who embodied some type of energy that drew me like a fruit fly to ripe oranges in a hot summer, this, alongside the increasing accessibility to social media (and therefore binging the work of amazing photographers) led me to decide to become a travel photographer. So, at the age of 17, I saved enough money from my soul-crushing call center job to buy my first camera and planned my first trip with my brother to Mexico City and Michoacan. Most of my memories of that first trip are jumbled up in my head but I remember vividly sitting at the bus station and feeling my heart expand in joy like never before. From that place, I asked my brother if he was happy – It was obvious that my question was more like a statement.

We were both happy and free and life was going to be amazing.

That trip marked the beginning of a stage in my life when the only thing that made sense was to travel and move and move and move.

So that’s exactly what I did.

I pursued with passion the same feeling I had while waiting at the bus station with my brother – exploring my own country as well as faraway lands. I wanted to visit as many places as possible. I slept in airports, hostels, hotels, and even in strangers' houses, (which eventually became close friendships).

I constantly moved back and forth from my city, living in different towns and apartments. Ironically, my need to find a sense of belonging prevented me from settling down in one place.

When I was 24, I embarked on a three-month solo backpacking trip across the north of Chile and Argentina, with no plan whatsoever and a 30L backpack.

The first week I met an artist who lent me a book called “Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art”. Opening my heart to that book unblocked a series of events that forever changed the way see and live my life. The book is a long essay on improvisation. It reflects about spontaneity and invites us to cherish freedom, to embrace life, and to find meaning in the uncertainty of life. The same day I got the book I decided I was not going to plan anything on my trip, not even my return date. My journey felt like I was on a kayak in a calm river, I felt I was dancing with life and the voice inside my chest became clearer and stronger.

That trip made me realize that I wanted to live a life as connected as possible with myself. When I returned home, I committed to starting (and staying) with therapy and shifted my focus from seeking outside adventures to exploring my inner world instead. This decision has been the most profound and rewarding choice I've ever made.

A year later, everything changed. The pandemic began and we were told to stay in our homes. With so much time on my hands, I decided to fulfill a long-time desire: to learn pottery. I started spending countless hours practicing, reading, and immersing myself in clay. It sparked a passion in me that I hadn’t felt since I first started learning photography. At first, I was terrible… there were infinite cracks in my pieces, my mugs looked like cucumbers and the glaze was faded and sad. Slowly, with practice and patience, I started to get better and better. Fast forward to 2023, I applied for a marketing diploma that would help me in my vision of having my own business one day. In a matter of months, my visa was approved and I moved to Toronto.

I am thankful to weave new understandings with the memories of my younger self. This naive, curious, intense, and highly-sensitive teenager of mine brought me home. Despite sometimes struggling to be patient or compassionate with myself, I can trust the certainty that I am already home and that by nurturing this vision and trusting in it, I will be able to build and share with others a safe and inspiring place.